The Healing Echo: Community, Connection, and Longevity

In a world where individualism often takes precedence, the importance of community and its profound impact on longevity cannot be overstated. Recent studies reveal that strong social ties and a sense of belonging can significantly enhance our health and extend our lives. This blog explores the science behind community and longevity, starting from the beginning with the preparation of my trip around the globe. Through this narrative, I aim to capture the essence of connection and resilience.

Echo of Love

After a significant breakup just over half a year ago, I pondered where to channel my love, facing a profound echo of absence reminding me of the sudden losses of all my loved ones in The Netherlands. Having no parents and zero family connection nearby in my birth country has felt like a roofless house when unexpected storms came, shaking my very core. I felt like I was standing in a large empty room, the void made the echo sound so soft… I can hardly hear it. I long for the echo of love, loss, memories, kindness, courage, forgiveness, and hope.

Most of my extended family abroad, whom I have seen only briefly and fleetingly, feels distant. “Unfamiliarity breeds detachment,” or “Onbekend maakt onbemind,” as the Dutch saying goes. I wonder what will happen if I travel to my extended family and make an effort to reconnect. Will those bonds strengthen with time and effort, or has the distance created by the Vietnam War forged an unbridgeable gap?

Preparing for My Lightweight Journey

I’ve been contemplating how to build meaningful connections and create a soul tribe incessantly. Lightweight with a 7kg backpack filled with tiny folded clothes, armed only with a mix of Eastern wisdom and a tenacious attitude passed down from my Vietnamese parents before they passed when I was in my early 20s, and the Dutch directness ingrained in me through my upbringing in the Netherlands, I plan to embark on a journey around the world starting on August 19th, 2024.

Serendipitous Messages

As I wander, I open all my senses, quietly listening to the echoes that return. Ever heard of serendipitous messages? Pling pling—texts from a friend poured in: “Cham…..honey, I am going on this singles trip in a Castle! I’d love it if you would come and join me!!” I smiled ear to ear, a cheeky smile… as if I knew what was about to happen. Whenever I travel with her, it’s always “Double Trouble.”

Before even picking up the phone, I sensed an invitation. Despite budget concerns, I decided to go with my gut and said, “yes.” She’s a statuesque blonde, and I’m the exotic dark-haired Asian—proof that sisterhood isn’t about matching looks but matching hearts. She’s like the cheekiest sister I could imagine. We bombard each other with love declarations and occasionally gaze into each other’s eyes, drunk on butterflies. I’d say, “Ouh! If you were a man, I’d jump you and be all over you right now!” She’d reply, “I’d be so love-drunk gazing into your beautiful soul, and then I’d rip your tiny body apart!” Then we’d laugh loudly and giggle non-stop.

We live in our bubble, believing our bad jokes are the funniest ever. We always challenge each other’s views and boundaries, so I went with my gut and said, “yesss, let’s go! Let’s turn this castle upside down!”

School Trip Shenanigans: A Sneak Peek into Community Vibes

My friend had already texted me that she was standing with the two hottest guys. Arriving fashionably late to the Singles Trip at midnight, I tiptoed down the stairs and scanned the castle garden to find her. Seeing people gathered at the bar, I made my way over, greeting everyone with a handshake like I was at a networking event. I looked over and saw my friend giggling, indeed standing with two men. “Ah, there’s the double trouble,” I thought to myself.

As a temporary dating coach for men, a role I stumbled into by coincidence and took on out of curiosity a decade ago, I could sense that these two had the most “game.” With game and boldness, looks didn’t matter as much. So, I sauntered over, ready to see if their skills lived up to their swagger. Truth be told, my friend should have been the dating coach—her game far exceeded mine. My upbringing wasn’t very liberal, and despite my theoretical knowledge, I’m quite the hopeless romantic. My friend never misses a chance to remind me of that, playfully shoving it in my face every chance she gets.

Social Control and Peer Pressure

On this Singles Trip that felt more like a school field trip, making me feel 15 instead of 42, I overheard some gossip about me, my friend, and a few others. I was surprised, but I could see where it came from—and honestly, I found it pretty amusing. It highlighted an important aspect of community: social control and peer pressure. Social control increases a sense of safety and these dynamics can challenge our boundaries and push us to become better versions of ourselves.

Later in the week, I discovered that some people saw me as “a pretty face with an elusive charm—a paradox that’s hard to pin down but impossible to miss.” During heartfelt conversations, where both parties sometimes shed tears over loss and loneliness, a few men confessed they felt I was “out of their league,” even for a simple chat. This perception was only reinforced by the fact that I often hung out the first few days with the so-called popular crowd or the guys with “game.”

On this Singles trip that felt like a school trip—Schoolreisje—I discovered the profound impact of community on my own well-being. Despite or perhaps because of my seemingly unassuming appearance—a slim, well-dressed Asian woman—I’ve found myself at the intersection of admiration and misperception. In the last few days, men and women in the group openly mentioned in unanticipated moments at the dining table or bar that they were surprised to discover that I am such a warm, approachable, deep, reflective— social butterfly who’s genuinely engaging as well as sweet. This level of transparency felt refreshing.

Redefine and Redesign

My itinerary will lead me to Australia, through Asia, to Vietnam, and to the birthplaces of my parents. I aim to redefine my identity and gain inspiration to redesign my life. The largest heartbreak isn’t that my romantic relationship broke down, but that I lost all my family members in the Netherlands. I turned sick and felt very weak when I lost connection when they passed away.

In my daily routine, I often find myself engaged in solitary activities like reconciling numbers, crafting spreadsheets, writing, or simply indulging in reflection. I treasure the companionship of my goofy dog, Chris, and my circle of friends, whom I consider my chosen family. However, their lives are full of commitments, leaving me longing for a connection to the past. I miss sharing memories with my parents—reminiscing with friends doesn’t resonate as deeply, and I have no close relatives to share these memories with.

Community and Growth

Research shows that having a strong sense of community is pivotal for both mental and physical health. Communities provide emotional support, reduce stress, and foster a sense of purpose.

The Science Behind Community and Longevity

1. Psychological Well-being
   • Social Support: Communities provide social support, which is crucial for mental health. Studies show that strong social networks can reduce stress, anxiety, and depression, leading to overall improved mental well-being.
   • Sense of Belonging: Being part of a community fosters a sense of belonging and purpose. This sense of belonging is associated with higher levels of happiness and satisfaction with life.
2. Physical Health
   • Longevity: Research indicates that individuals with strong social ties live longer. The famous Harvard Study of Adult Development found that good relationships keep us happier and healthier, contributing to longevity.
   • Recovery and Healing: Community support can accelerate recovery from illness. Patients with strong social connections often experience faster recovery times and better overall health outcomes.
3. Economic and Social Benefits
   • Resource Sharing: Communities often share resources, which can lead to economic benefits. This can include sharing information, tools, or services, leading to cost savings and increased efficiency.
   • Collective Action: Communities can mobilize to address local issues effectively. Collective action has been shown to lead to significant social changes and improvements in community infrastructure.
4. Cognitive Development and Learning
   • Educational Attainment: Community engagement positively influences educational outcomes. Children and adults in supportive communities tend to perform better academically and have higher educational attainment.
   • Knowledge Sharing: Communities facilitate the exchange of knowledge and skills, fostering continuous learning and cognitive development among members.
5. Behavioral Influence
   • Health Behaviors: Communities can influence health behaviors positively. For example, community-based health programs have been effective in promoting healthy lifestyles, such as increased physical activity and better nutrition.
   • Norms and Values: Communities help establish and enforce social norms and values, which can guide individual behavior and promote prosocial behavior.
6. Resilience and Coping
   • Disaster Response: Communities play a crucial role in disaster response and recovery. Strong community ties can enhance resilience and the ability to cope with and recover from natural disasters or crises.
   • Mental Resilience: Social support from communities can increase individuals’ resilience to adverse life events, helping them to cope more effectively with challenges.
7. Environmental Impact
   • Sustainability Practices: Communities often engage in collective efforts to promote environmental sustainability. Community gardens, recycling programs, and local conservation efforts are examples of how community action can benefit the environment.
8. Cultural and Social Identity
   • Cultural Preservation: Communities help preserve cultural traditions and heritage. This preservation is essential for maintaining a sense of identity and continuity among members.
   • Social Identity: Being part of a community contributes to the development of social identity, which is important for personal and collective self-concept.

Conclusion

I’m increasingly conscious that auditing financial statements for large corporations might not be my life’s grand purpose. My heart is drawn towards a deeper exploration of body, mind, and spirit—essentially, a quest to redefine my identity and redesign my life.

Guided by recurring, vivid visions that are as mysterious as they are compelling, I feel an inexplicable urge to follow these insights. I trust my intuition will help me uncover my inherent talents and use them to enhance the lives of others.

I plan to visit orphanages and engage with young children to understand their reality. Despite my knack for socializing, creating deep, meaningful connections remains a challenge. This journey isn’t just about giving back; it’s about fostering the sense of community I value so deeply.

My adulthood has been a solo adventure, not by choice but by necessity, shaped by circumstances that forced me to find solace in the universe and my inner voice.

Yet, I realize now that external connections, like being part of a community, are just as crucial as internal growth.

I know loneliness is a global epidemic. My curiosity has always driven me to never stick to just one group—whether it’s Asians, popular kids, or nerds. I’ve been energetically invited into each of these circles at different times in my life, whether for being attractive, goofy, or nerdy. I embrace these invitations with both hands, diving into the diversity of experiences and connections.

I am who I am, and I see a piece of myself in everyone I meet. My spiritual views may not resonate with everyone, but I firmly believe we are more than just our physical forms; we are complex beings with layers unseen.

My social skills are a gift I want to honor. Though I wasn’t born into a close-knit family tribe, I’m determined to work hard to create a soul tribe with deep, meaningful connections. I long for the sisters I never had, brothers to watch over us, and elders to offer wisdom and hierarchy. Success isn’t guaranteed, but if I can imagine it, I believe it’s possible.

In my next blog, I’ll delve into the captivating world of love. I may explore the psychological aspects of the Power of Perception and how context influences it. 

Despite a series of failed relationships and soap opera-worthy betrayals, and even a friend determined to debunk my romantic notions, I remain an incurable romantic. My fascination with the science of love hasn’t dampened my belief in true love—an eternal connection that transcends the physical. I’ll also share takeaways from an interview with a delightful couple I met on a recent singles trip, whose love story is sure to charm and inspire. 

Stay tuned for a heartwarming journey into the mysteries of love!